Archive - 2nd November 2012

I have my testicle touched by a member of the audience at this gig. I feel ambivalent about it. 

Friday 2nd November

The Compasses, Egham, Surrey

Before Gig

I don’t know whether to drive to this gig or train it. According to my

own rules I should use public transport as it is within the M25.

However, it is so close to the M25/M3 interchange that the laws of

fate dictates I should drive. Advantages of train: I can read, write,

relax and if it’s late it’s not my fault. Advantages of car: it is

warm, it's door to door, I don’t have to worry about missing the last

train, I don’t have to walk from the train station to the venue

through a forest (couple of trees), there is enough petrol in my tank

to get me there and back, whereas I would need to buy a train ticket

(extra expense). The car journey is effectively free. I decide to

drive. It turns out I don’t have enough petrol and I have to stop and

buy petrol on the way.

I don’t think I have eaten enough before the gig. So I eat two bananas

and drink a pint of Coke – pure energy.

The gig is just coming to the end of the first half when I arrive.

There is a sense of salon doors swinging as I walk in. A golden

labrador wanders aimlessly about the pub. It goes behind the bar and

nobody stops it.  I go into the function room just as the audience are

dispersing for the interval. One man indicates that he wants to

squeeze past me to the toilets but he does this by tapping my

testicles in a socially aggressive fashion. I decide he may be

trouble.

This seems to me a very early throwing down of a gauntlet - a direct

challenge to my authority. The power games have commenced before I get

to the stage.

I am introduced to the other acts. The other acts write off the

testicle incident as a mere “accident”. The compere says that there

has been a guy standing at the bar all evening shouting out and

causing a bit of hassle. The acts are agreed. The guy is a “problem”

but also “alright” and also simultaneously “not a problem” and “I

wouldn’t worry about it” but “just thought you should know”. This is

typical of the kind of contradictory feedback you get from eye

witnesses. I am none the wiser.

Meanwhile, Testicleman returns to the room and stands by the bar which

is adjacent to the stage. It is confirmed - he is the guy who has been

disruptive all evening. I decide he is very definitely a problem and

will set aside a potion of my set to the testicle incident where I

will out him as a testicle tapper. I also prepare a myriad of heckling

put down strategies to deal with his inevitable heckling. Then two

things happen: he goes on to behave himself and then leaves before I

take to the stage anyway.  All my plans on the testicle incident are

wasted; it has been a pointless exercise in preparation.

During Gig

There is a very short walk on to the stage from the area to the side

where the acts congregate so there is little opportunity to establish

a proper walk into character as I approach the stage.

There are a couple of women right at the back who are immediately into

everything I do while there is a table at the front who have been

pretty stoney faced throughout the entire show. Ideally you would want

these people to swap places but that’s in an ideal universe.

I notice that a few verbal ticks have been creeping back in at the

start of my set but after I get a round of applause at the heroin

section I relax and the ticks disappear.

During the drinking alcohol section as I reel off examples of drunken

behaviour the two woman at the back tag every example with “done that”

and this tagging on seems to add to the comedy rather than detracting

from it as I have complained of in the past. It's as if I am telling

them their life story back to them – it would be good to be able to

fake this technique all the time. - this is what fortune tellers do.

A reference to Japanese Pornography is under-appreciated by the

audience but they really go for “having sex for the first time” so I

don’t think the audience are anti-sex just anti-foreign sex. While I

am talking about Catholic Guilt a girl gets up and goes to the toilet.

I am also informed by the audience that there is a separate exit from

the venue via the toilets. This provides a great opportunity for a

rant about her not having the decency to openly walk out of my gig and

trying to leave covertly by pretending to go to the toilet. This

represents the peak of this gig. Things really catch on fire at this

point and I am glad to see that the stone faced people at the front

are now all enjoying it. They have gone from not enjoying it to some

of them enjoying it to all of them enjoying it.

It often happens that when I rant, the audience really love it when I

feel I have some reason to be aggrieved. But after a couple of minutes

the girl returns and it sort of deflates the rant because she had come

back and my rant has now seemed in vain. Perhaps I should have ranted

about her having made me rant for nothing? As I have been pure

adlibbing since she left I could pick up the material but it feels the

moment has gone so I move on. However the mood of feeling aggrieved

and put upon carries forward to the rest of the material about family

and this seems to work for it.

After Gig.

Really enjoyed this one. My favourite kind of audience: Noisy, bawdy,

interactive but know when to interrupt, up for it but some of them

have to be won over.

When I came off stage and checked my watch I had done 22 minutes. This

surprised me as I believed I had done some 20 minutes of material plus

a lot of off script stuff so I thought it would have run on longer

than that. When I listen back to the tape it was performed (for me) at

breakneck speed. I am virtually leaving no breathing gaps in between

sections and it all runs on from the last bit. I think that even when

I'm doing stream of consciousness it still has to have breaks.

I am on a real high after this gig and, after dropping the other acts

off at the station, I drive home like I did my gig – too fast. But

like good gigs, there are times when the driving really flows and

taking needless chances pays off.