SEVENOAKS - 19th September 2015

Sevenoaks - Stag Theatre

19th September 2015

My name is Stephen Carlin and I work in the risk management business. My job is to stand on stage in front of different groups of people and then assess whether or not certain material will suit that group of people. And I thought I was a stand-up comedian. 

With my years of experience I have built up a huge database of previous gigs in my head. I am also armed with an array of sense organs in which I can perceive human emotions. Some of the human emotions I can identify are: joy, euphoria, boredom, anger, embarrassment, confusion, contempt, ennui. I take the feedback of the audience mood and filtering it through the database of previous experiences I determine a plan of action. This generally involves establishing the percentage risk of failure/success for various scenarios. The plan can change at any time depending on the signals from my sensory organs. I am basically a giant computer on two legs.

In my experience, there are only two occasions when I shouldn’t take risks in stand-up comedy, when the gig is going badly and when the gig is going well. When the gig is going badly I need to batten down the hatches and not make matters worse by taking unnecessary gambles. And when the gig is going well, why screw up something great by sabotaging myself? After all a gig isn’t my private life, is it? There are only two occasions in stand-up comedy when I should take risks: when it is going badly and when it is going well. If it is going badly what is there to lose? I may as well roll the dice and throw caution to the wind. If the gig is going well, then I can use the trust and goodwill I have built up to really push the envelope. And I may well find something new and discover some new level of ability.

Well tonight I didn’t take enough risks. Tonight Stewart Lee was headlining and there were 500 people in the audience. I was supposed to go in the middle but due to a last minute alteration I went on first, thus eating into my thinking time. I was backstage at a theatre and unlike a comedy club had little chance to mingle with the audience and asses them before I went on. I opened with an ad-lib about the walk from the station and how steep the hill was but I now think I should have ad-libbed longer. I worked in a bit of my Edinburgh show into my club set about bad drivers but now I think I could have pushed this further and worked in other new material. I could have weaved the steep hill into the driving material. I should have taken more risks. It was probably the best set I have done in months but I feel disappointed by it. The audience think they’ve had comedy but all they have had is live risk assessment. If only I had taken more risks this show could have been better or worse. I don’t know… I don’t know what I am doing.