Archive 18th October 2012

Another from the archive

Show Report Thursday 18th October 2012

Venue – Hook, Hampshire

This is the first ever comedy gig at this venue. Tonight is the pilot

night. The venue owners are trying out a comedy night to see if it is

something this wish to do on a regular basis. I am to be the first act

on (after the compere) so the future of this gig is entirely in my

hands (plus the other acts, and the compere and a myriad of other

factors).

Before Gig

It is entirely possible to fall out with either individual audience

members or an entire audience before ever taking to the stage. As the

compere kicks off tonight’s show it is clear they are a good audience.

They are “up for it”.  They already feel warmed up. They are laughing

loudly and generously.

So all the more galling that there are two troublemakers guys in the

front row, in full view of everyone, openly texting on their phones-

probably to each other. They resist all urging by the compere to put

the phones away. There is an air of arrogant defiance about them like

they want the night to fail. I imagine theses guys do something in the

Financial Service Industry. I have no specific evidence to back this

up. They may in fact work for the NHS or a homeless shelter. Why do

all arseholes have to work in something unethical?

I am running through a cycle in my head of imagining how they will

misbehave, planning responses, getting annoyed, realizing I am getting

too annoyed, calming down, then looking at them again, getting annoyed

again.

During Gig

The gig starts well. The audience are really up for it. The

troublemaker guys aren’t any trouble. They have put their phones away

and they don’t shout out. They're not enjoying the gig in any active

sense. They stare, they whisper to each other, they make a point of

not laughing when everybody else is. They try and stare me out. Just

low-level gamesmanship stuff nothing the audience can detect.

I say rhetorically “People drink a lot in Hampshire right?” “No” one

guys says very assertively from the back. This provides a good couple

of minutes of adlibbing around the idea that he is a spokesperson from

the audience and that he needed to have “a line on this” I later

regret not ad-libbing further and seeing how far I could have pushed

it.

When I performed the drinking beer section, I ad-lib a bit around

Jimmy Savile and this receives the biggest laugh of my set so far. He

is very topical at the moment and audience always give topical

references an extra 25% (my estimated figures) laughter just for being

current. At this point one of the troublemakers gets up and walks out

(I presume to the toilet). Now unlike some comedians I don’t think

having a full bladder is, of itself, a crime. So I don’t tend to pick

on people for going to the toilet. If they leave from a prominent

position in the audience then I tend to reference it but not in a

judgemental way…but tonight is different. Something about their

previous behaviour and concerns about possible future behaviour and

Jimmy Savile coalesces in my mind and I go into an attack. I suggest

it is suspicious that he had left at a bit of material about Jimmy

Savile. I go on to suggest that the audience troublemaker is in fact a

paedophile. (There would be no controversy in suggesting Jimmy Savile

is a pedophile. Most people's views have settled on that now). Only

later do I realize that I am trying to make sure the troublemaker

doesn’t return and cause more disruption. He doesn’t return. At a

later section about having sex for the first time. The second

troublemaker also leaves. I don’t really lay into him. I realize that

he, like his mate is not coming back. But why do they always leave at

bits about sex.

There are other disruptions. A man’s mobile goes off. His ring tone

plays “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly”. He is suitably embarrassed

about this and after dealing with the guys in the front row. I am

benevolent about his mistake.

The rest of the gig is hugely enjoyable

After Gig

The two front row troublemaker guys never return to their seats. They

leave the gig and do not return for the second half. I believe I have

called it right and have help remove a nuisance from the gig. I

hubristically boast about this to other acts. Only on reflection later

do I realize that both the guys walked out a big laughs thus leaving

at a moment when I wouldn’t be speaking. This could have been

calculated to cause minimum disruption. Perhaps they realized the

night was not for them and they left as low key as they could from a

prominent position? Or maybe they were pricks? Who knows?

A man approaches me after my set to have his photograph taken with me.

He is Latvian and is very jolly despite only being in his twenties (I

tend to associate jolliness with middle age or older). He tells me he

enjoyed my set immensely. Apparently he has spent some time living in

Scotland and that during that time he came to appreciate the Scottish

sense of humour. Without this time in Scotland, he fears, he wouldn’t

get my jokes. He then spends several minutes encouraging me to gig in

Latvia, “you should go to Latvia and do gigs” before adding “they will

not understand your sense of humour there”.

A Latvian woman approaches with a camera and clearly wants a

photograph. It becomes clear that she wants me to take a photograph of

her on her own. I explain this is not right. Clearly, I need to be in

the photograph. Why does she want a photograph of herself on her own?

That makes no sense. She could get that anytime. No, I have to be in

the photograph. She is unsure. She hesitates like I may have

blundered. The bar manager approaches and backs me up. “You should be

in the photograph too”. She eventually agrees to go along with this

novel scheme although she clearly feels we have both made a colossal

mistake. I smile for what seems about ten minutes as I wait for the

manager to take the shot. Eventually just as my smile is collapsing

due to the earth’s gravitational force he snaps the shot. Now the

woman examines the photograph on her camera phone. There is some

extended period of consultation. She is clearly unhappy with the

photograph but too polite to say anything. “Do you want to take it

again?” I offer. “I’m afraid somebody wasn’t smiling”, the manager

adds. We will never find out who that somebody was. I think it was me.

We take the photograph again. I make sure I am smiling this time.